This is the sermon I spoke on Sunday, November 2nd at my church in response to my time living in Malawi (2001-2002) and visiting in August 2003 for the Mennonite World Conference. One Saturday morning under the heat of the Malawian sun I was watching the children as they quietly washed their hands and received their lunch of nsima (maize meal), vegetables and goat meat at our weekly Children’s Corner program. I was sitting beside Georgina, a loving mother and one of our volunteers at Salima AIDS Support Organization and we watched with pride as we were able to feed our children for another week during this the hungry season. At that time Georgina turned to me and asked for K200 (which is about $5 CDN) because she had no maize meal for her own family. I gave it to her deciding in my own mind that it would be a gift rather than a loan. I then went on vacation for a few days with my father and when I returned to SASO Georgina came to the office which was strange because the field volunteers normally only come to the office on Saturday for meetings. So Georgina rode in on her bicycle with a brightly colored handkerchief attached to her bicycle. Someone called me to her and translated as she carefully untied the colorful scarf from her handlebars. The translator mentioned that I had done her a great service by giving her K200 when she was in need and to repay me she wanted to give me a gift. And underneath the scarf was a beautiful white chicken –a live squawking chicken. An “nkuku”. I had not give the K200 gift a second thought but she had and she wanted to show her gratitude by giving what she had.
This is a common occurrence in Africa. The most phenomenal speaker at the Mennonite World Conference was Siaka Traore from Burkina Faso, a French-speaking, West African country. He described similar experiences in Burkina Faso, chickens being used at dinners between friends as gifts of friendship. He talked about how in the global church family that the churches from the South should not stand with their hands open as the gifts of the North are handed out. There are special gifts that the South churches possess that they can give as well. He asked us to
Please accept their chicken
Without weighing it
Without judging it
Without comparing it to your chickens
It might not be much but we give it freely
I appreciated this strong man as he stood there commanding the attention of the congregation – he challenged us, ALL of us. More than any of the other speakers at the conference, especially those from North America. His message was entitled “What We Have, We Give” and it made me think of the most important gifts that I had received in my life. The most influential “nkukus”. They had all come from times when people had given me the “nkuku” of their time. The nkuku of time is a powerful thing. People feel loved, honoured and heard when people decide they are worth time. Money does not elicit such strong responses but in North America it is often easier to offer money than time. The nkuku of time requires an opening and a vulnerability because it is an exchange between the giver and the recipient, so intimate that often you cannot tell who is giving and who is receiving. When time is all you have to give you realize the power of this most important gift. Everyone has a finite amount of it, no one knows how much of it they really have to give. But every gift of time makes people feel loved, honoured and heard. Here I share those thoughts with you in stories from my life and hopefully they will inspire the stories within you of times you spent with others that made you feel loved, honoured and heard.
People feel loved
My nightguard Frackson Yotundu is one of the best examples of love and grace of anyone I know. He is also one of the most financially poor people I know. He did countless things that he didn’t need to do to make people’s lives brighter. One of the most touching memories I have is around Christmas-time when I was lonesome for my Canadian home and wanted to make my house as Christmas-y as possible. I asked him one day how I could get a tree for inside my house. How ridiculous I must have seemed wanting a giant tree inside my home that was much bigger than his own. But he was invested in our relationship. We had spent so much time together that it was worth it for him to invest time, in me. He went the extra mile – in fact he went 8 extra miles and brought me not 1 but 3 8-foot banana trees to my house. Because it was important to me. He strapped them to his bicycle and walked the eight miles from his garden to my front door and helped me set them up in my house. Not only that but since we had set them up so far prior to Christmas when the one inside my house died due to the heat he brought me another one on Christmas Eve. During that day I had spent the morning sitting with him and his wife as they sat with their dying baby. And that evening he brought me two chickens and a Christmas tree. No words were spoken. No money exchanged. Time was the greatest gift we gave each other that holiday.
At the Global Youth Summit in the Mennonite World Conference there were discussions about how the Mennonite church could “involve” more youth. How we could get them to express their gifts. How they could be more involved in services and in worship; basically how we could keep them in the church. This has been a common problem within all Christian denominations I believe, not just the Mennonites. The discussions finally got to a point where I finally said that if we could maybe look at our youth for the joy that is them rather than wanting them for their gifts or to further the ideas of previous generations maybe they would feel loved and nurtured and want to stay in our congregations. I said if they took the time to get to know their kids than they might not have the youth problem that is so constantly talked about. I told them that at our church we do not have a youth pastor which they found astonishing and I told them that as a former youth I knew why I had stayed in the church. Because people invested in me. They took the time to get to know me and care about me.
I used a recent example of what happened this summer. How Tim Wedler and I decided, pretty much on a whim, that we would go down to Rosthern Junior College to see our “kids” from First Mennonite and from camp graduate high school. We found slightly respectable clothes (I had to take down the wrap I was using as a wall hanging) and we drove 5 hours to Rosthern to see Krista, Melissa, Nathan, Amanda and Rita graduate. I sat beside Frieda Dyck, Krista’s grandmother and I cried more than she did. And when they saw us in the audience they were visibly surprised and excited. They ran up to us right after the sending hymn. They couldn’t believe we’d take that much time to share something important with them. I would venture to say they felt loved because we had given our time as a gift to them. But they were our kids and we were invested in their success and in their happiness. And the next time I was in our congregation – they lined the back pew in a mid-summer service.
Love, since we were babies, was given through time spent together. Jesus and his disciples showed love to each other every day as they walked the dusty streets of Jerusalem together.
People feel honoured
Not only does the gift of time make people feel loved but it honours their importance as fellow human beings and children of God.
I remember talking with my best friend in Malawi, Paul Duncan about how I liked how the people called me “Malawian-Canadian”. He replied that was because they felt that I was not only Canadian but had incorporated who I am into Malawian culture as well. He said that I was different than the other “azungus” (white people) that had come through town before, or even the ones that were in the country now. Malawians are not one to speak ill of people so it was an interesting occurrence that he would say anything negative. He asked me where my white friends spent their weekend the past weekend and I responded to the best of my knowledge – at the beach, at their homes, at coffeehouses in the capital city. And it started to dawn on me that at these places my friends only spent time with other expatriates, other white people. He then asked me where I was on Sunday and I replied honestly “I went to church with Malizani and you and then came to SASO to cheer on our volleyball team.” It then became clear and he said. “You spend time with the black people Amanda – not because you have to or because it’s your job but because you want to. That is why you are Malawian – Canadian.”
I’m sure there are other times you can think of when you felt honoured that someone gave their time to be with you – to share your joy or to share your sorrow or to just share in the person that you are. And in sharing that you made real what Corinthians says that the eye is just as important as the foot or the hand. That the eye can cry tears for the pain of the foot and the hand can wipe away tears from the eyes.
People feel heard
I believe that an important part of the human experience is to be heard and to truly hear someone you have to take the time to listen.
When I lived in Malawi I was unsure of what to say when people were starving. It was what they call the “hungry season” where the crops are not ready to be harvested and everyone is starving and I couldn’t help enough people. I tried to help who I could. I tried ignoring it when people would cry “njala, njala” (hungry, hungry) And then finally at one point I was so frustrated I ended up saying “Pepani, njala kwambili ku Malawi.” Which means I’m sorry there is lots of hunger in Malawi. And because I took the time to learn their language and hear what they were saying and respond to them rather than ignore them the funniest thing happened. They laughed. Probably because my accent was funny. But I understood how they responded – they were laughing because they thought it was funny and … nice that this white girl took the time to talk to them in their language so even though she didn’t have the food they needed they still felt heard. I had not ignored them or their pain or their need. I had heard them even though I couldn’t do anything about it. And that in itself was a gift.
I believe this is a great need within the Mennonite population. The speakers at Mennonite World Conference ESPECIALLY those from North America spoke WAY longer than their time and then the person that was supposed to do the reflection recited another mini-sermon on their thoughts on the topic. This is also evidenced at CMA conferences and probably at local congregational meetings (although I myself have not gone to a lot of those so I really couldn’t say). I believe it is a genuine human need especially in North America that with our constant running around and “go go go” mentality that people do not truly hear one another. That’s why we go to psychologists to pay someone else to hear us. That’s why when we do get a chance to speak we hold onto it because finally we can speak our truth and maybe someone will hear and take the time to listen, love and honor us.
Are we not listening to our people?
Are we crying out to be heard?
Often I get angry when people talk forever and ever about what I believe to be the same thing over and over again (hopefully you are not experiencing this sermon that way). But as I kept getting frustrated I started to realize that I wasn’t really listening to what they had to say and maybe if I truly listened they would truly be heard and the cycle would no longer need to spin. Maybe if I slowed dow and accepted the “nkuku” of the lesson I learned in Africa, of the importance of slowing down and giving time it would force me to experience the beauty in everyone and be able to share their gifts in suffering and in joy.
Exercise:
I watched a movie on our one TV channel in Missinipe, Saskatchewan called “The Story of Us”. The movie was alright but the family had this game / ritual they’d play at the dinner table called High/Lo. This is where everyone in the family had an opportunity to share the high point of their day and the low point. It took some time and everyone had the opportunity to feel loved, honoured and heard. So I want everyone here to think about the high point of their week and the low point. You can share one or both or neither if you wish but I want you to all think about it for a moment. Instead of a “Passing of the Peace” we’re going to have a “Passing of the Nkuku”.
So this is just an informal thing. Take a deep breath. I’m sure there are many of you who are currently thinking “This service is so long and I have to do this, this, this and this today” but it’s only a few more minutes. Breathe and really experience. If many of you knew what Africa time was like you’d realize how fast paced this life is. So, I want you to say hello to those around you. If you don’t know each other, that’s even better just say hello and share your high/lo. When you hear the choir start again you can join in on the next hymn and if you didn’t have enough time to share, with either the people around you or other people in the congregation, feel free to stay after the service. No one is in a rush today. You are all to be loved, honoured and heard today. You are all to be given time today for yourselves and for each other. Yendani bwino (good journey). Amen.